Repost : 7 Things Your Muslim Wife Won’t Tell You

original Post : ---> islamiclearningmaterials

7 Things Your Muslim Wife Won’t Tell You

 

What’s Going On Under the Hijab?

Last week I wrote an article entitled “7 Things Your Muslim Husband Won’t Tell You.” I thought I was gonna get a lot of complaints about that one, but so far, everyone seems to enjoy it.
Well, if the last article didn’t upset you, perhaps this one will. Actually, I don’t want to upset you. But I do want you to think about things that may not normally cross your mind.
Most men have a hard time understanding women. Even a woman they’ve been married to for years.
One minute she’s perfectly fine. The next, she’s crying like a baby.
She complains about something but when we offer advice on how to fix it, she still isn’t satisfied.
After several years of marriage (and counselling) I’ve learned to not worry so much about what my wife says. Instead, I should worry about what she doesn’t say.

With this information in mind, I’ve put together a quick list of things Muslim men should be aware of when it comes to their wife’s mind.

1. Above All, She Wants Your Love

This harkens back to a post I wrote a couple of months ago called “Love or Respect: Which Do You Prefer?”
In this article I explained that men desire respect from their wives, and women desire love from their husbands.
When a wife shows her husband less respect, he in turn shows her less love.
And when a husband shows his wife less love, she in turn shows him less respect.
And the vicious cycle repeats itself.
Stop this prophecy before it becomes self-fulfilling. Show love to your wife.
That’s what she wants. Love her despite her flaws and quirks.
And Inshallah, she’ll respect you despite your flaws and quirks.

>>Here’s What My Wife Did To Make Me Fall In Love With Her Again<<

2. She’s Bored

It’s the same thing every day.
Week in and week out.
Not only is she bored but she’s also tired.
She has to care for the kids and run the household and then pamper you.
Just thinking about doing that every day makes me want to crawl under my covers and hide. I can imagine how the average Muslim housewife must feel.
And let’s not forget about working woman. Many Muslim women have to work a full time job as well as hold a house down.
So brothers, I implore you, make your wife feel special. Give her a break.
Take her out sometimes. Surprise her with a surprise meal. Bring her favorite desert home.
Just do something every now and then to break the monotany.

3. She Wants to Be Complimented

Appreciation.
Everybody wants it.
No one wants to feel as if the hard work they do goes unnoticed or even worse, it taken for granted.
Your wife does not have to clean your dirty clothes. And she does not have to cook your meals.
But she does.
And she does that on top of all the other things in her life:

• Working or going to school.
• Caring for the kids.
• Striving to be a better Muslimah.

Show your Muslim wife that you appreciate and are thankful for the things she does to maintain you and your family.
A simple “thank you” is a good start.

4. She’s Insanely Jealous

There’s a reason most women don’t care for polygamy.
Be very careful how you talk about other women around your wife.
I mentioned this in my book “Sex and Islam.” Don’t ever compare your wife to another woman.

• Don’t compare her to some female movie star.
• Don’t compare her to your mother.
• Never, ever compare her to your ex-wife (or other wife!)

She’s wants to know and believe that she is the center of your universe. So make her feel that way.
Even the Prophet’s (pbuh) wives got jealous. Aisha (RA) even got jealous of Khadijah (RA) who was dead.
Expect, and respect, the same type of jealousy from your wife.

5. She Wants You to Help Her Become A Better Muslimah

If you haven’t seen it yet, I encourage you to watch this video I did a couple of weeks ago for Muslim men. In this video I stress the importance of men taking the role of leader within their families.
And that’s the problem with a lot of Muslim men these days.
Not only are they not being good leaders, they’re being led by their wives (or mothers, or other women in their lives).
Your wife desires and wants you to be her leader. And what better way to lead her than to be show her how to be a better Muslimah?
But you can’t show her how to become better if you’re not that great either. Therefore, you have to upgrade your Iman. You have to improve yourself and then pass it on to her in a gentle, respectful way.

6. She Doesn’t Like to Nag, But Sometimes You Make It Hard

It’s a common myth that women like to nag their husbands. That’s not entirely true.
Yes, there are some people (men and women) whom you can never please. No matter what you do, they’ll always find fault in something. Let’s be reminded of the following hadith:

Narrated Ibn ‘Abbas: The Prophet said: “I was shown the Hell-fire and that the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful.” It was asked, “Do they disbelieve in Allah?” (or are they ungrateful to Allah?) He replied, “They are ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors and the good (charitable deeds) done to them. If you have always been good (benevolent) to one of them and then she sees something in you (not of her liking), she will say, ‘I have never received any good from you.”
Sahih Bukhari

So, yes sisters should be careful about denegrating the things your husband does for you.
But very often, you Brother, make it hard for her to hold your tongue.
Perhaps you’re always finding fault with her and she looks for things in your character to get even.
Perhaps you’re not working (or not working hard enough) and she has to work to take up some slack.
Perhaps you’re just not that great of a guy.
Once again, upgrade yourself and give her less reasons to complain and nag.

7. More Than Anything, She Wants a Stable, Happy Relationship With You

Women don’t get married just because they think it’s gonna be fun.
They get married because they want a happy family life and they believe you’re gonna give it to them.
Outside of her religious duties, that’s the most important thing in a Muslim woman’s life. Raising a happy, stable, Muslim family.
The funny thing is, it’s very easy for you to give that to her.

1. Stop acting like a jerk. Be a good husband to her. Be kind. Show her you love her.
2. Don’t threaten her with divorce or taking a second wife. Yes, you have the right to do both. But using them as threats is inappropriate and detrimental to your marriage.
3. Trust in Allah, watch out for the tricks of Shaytan, and be patient with her. There’s nothing Shaytan would love more than to destroy your marriage.

See? That isn’t all that hard, now is it?

Repost : 7 Things Your Muslim Husband Won’t Tell You

original post :--->islamiclearningmaterials

7 Things Your Muslim Husband Won’t Tell You

What’s Going Through Your Muslim Husband’s Mind?

Ever wish you could read your husband’s mind? Western culture encourages husbands and wives to talk to each other and discuss things.
However, in many Muslim cultures, men are raised to be stoic and tight-lipped. Muslim husbands are very often (not always) reluctant to talk about certain things with their wives.
Part of the problem is also that sometimes it is hard to actually formulate our thoughts into the right words.
The only thing more difficult than translating thoughts to words is translating feelings to words.

So, a lot of Muslim men and women go through their marriages with very little communication and never really knowing what the other person is thinking.
This quick list is for the Muslim sisters in my audience. This list will give you good idea of some of the things your husband thinks about, but just doesn’t know how, or want, to tell you.

1. Above All, He Desires Your Respect

I spoke about this in my article “Love or Respect: Which Do You Prefer?”.
In this article, I explained that women want to know their husbands love them, and men want to know their wives respect them.
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It’s important that Muslim women understand the value of respect for men, especially Muslim men. In Islam, men are taught from a young age that they are supposed to be the bread-winners and caretakers of their families.
You can imagine how frustrating it would be for a man, who tries his best to care for his family, to be married to a woman who doesn’t respect him. She may declare that she loves him, but without her respect, he will quickly fall out of love with her.
This idea is put forward in the Quran where Allah says:

Men are in charge of women by what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard.
Chapter 4, Verse 34

If you fear there is a problem in your marriage sisters, I would suggest you start here.

>>Here’s What I Did To Earn My Wife’s Respect<<

2. He Desires Your Loyalty

This goes hand in hand with respect.
There’s nothing that will ruin a marriage quicker than the idea that your spouse is not loyal. The idea, that he or she is not going to stick by you.
I’m not talking about infidelity. This is what usually comes to mind when people talk about loyalty in a marriage.
What I’m talking about is knowing that the person whom you’ve chosen to spend the rest of your life with is going to be there for you when you really need them.
Most men won’t admit it, but we do need women. And we do need your support.
And it’s very troubling to be married to a woman who may not be around when the going gets tough.
If you are constantly threatening divorce or separation or Khula (Islamic divorce initiated by the wife), you can expect your marriage to fizzle out very quickly.
Your husband needs to know that you’re going to be by his side if:

• He loses his job and the money gets tight.
• He tries to do something (like start a business or go back to school) but fails at it.
• His reputation is tarnished or his honor is attacked.

You should be loyal to your husband before everything else except Allah and His Messenger (pbuh).
If you’re loyal to your husband, than rest assured he’ll be loyal to you.

3. He Wants To Have Sex More Often

Let’s get this right out into the open.
Some women might think men are narrow-minded brutes for this, but it’s the truth.
Men desire sex. Men really desire sex.
So when you give him the following excuses:

• “I’ve got a headache.”
• “I’m not feeling good.”
• “Can’t it wait till the weekend? I’m really not in the mood.”

Know that your husband is going to go to sleep a little upset with you, even if he doesn’t show it.
And do this often enough, he’s going to start resenting you. And that resentment will build up and may lead to him being unnecessarily mean to you or losing some love.
Please keep the following hadith in mind:

When a man calls his wife to his bed, and she does not respond and he (the husband) spends the night angry with her, the angels curse her until morning.
Bukhari and Muslim.

Something to think about.

4. He Thinks About Other Women

Okay, first of all, calm down. Don’t unsubscribe from my mailing list just yet. Let me explain this.
All men think about other women.
It doesn’t mean he’s going to cheat on you.
It doesn’t mean he’s thinking about taking a second wife.
It doesn’t mean he’s fantasizing about another woman.
It just means that all (straight) men do, at some point in their lives, consider having another woman (i.e. wife).
You’re better off coming to terms with this and accepting it than having false, purile notions about men.
The best way to combat these thoughts are to apply the advice given in the first three secrets:

• Respect him.
• Be loyal to him.
• Give him physical love when he wants it.

Does this mean he’ll never take a second wife if you do these three things? Of course not.
But it will raise your value in his mind relative to other woman and he’ll be all the more reluctant to look for those three things (respect, loyalty, and sex) elsewhere.

5. He Wants To Make You Happy

Why do you think men work so hard to make money?
Why do you think men are willing to leave their jobs and risk starting a business?
Why do you think men like buying women gifts?
Because deep down, we really just want to make you happy.
Sometimes we screw it up and forget our anniversary. But we really would prefer to remember because we know it would make you happy.
So when your husband buys you a gift, accept it, rejoice over it, thank him profusely, and use it as often as possible.
If he buys you some jewelry, wear it.
If he buys you a new smartphone, use it.
If he buys you a car, drive it.
And don’t be so quick to nag him about the things he doesn’t do right. Because then he’ll start feeling that you don’t respect (there’s that word again) the things he does do for you.

6. If You Nudge Him, He Can Be A Better Muslim

Nobody’s perfect.
Perhaps your husband isn’t a Muslim scholar. Perhaps he’s not the best Muslim in the world.
You can nudge him to make him better. But you can’t force him.
Do little things to get him to improve his Islam.

• Offer to wake him up for Salaatul Fajr.
• Encourage him to make Salaah at the Masjid.
• Tell him how much nicer he’d look if he grew his beard.

This takes deliberate words, a soft touch, and careful action. No one likes to be preached to.
But if you do this right, you’ll be getting a double reward:
The reward that comes with living with a righteous husband. And the reward in the next life for encouraging your husband to the truth.

Except for those who have believed and done righteous deeds and advised each other to truth and advised each other to patience.
Chapter 103, Verse 3

7. He Loves You, Even If He Doesn’t Always Show It

I know, this one may be kinda hard to swallow. But it’s true (usually).
Men are just not that good at showing emotion (unless we’re talking sports or politics).
We don’t tell our wives “I love you” often enough.
We’re not perfect. And constantly comparing us to Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) ain’t helping.
Of course, we are supposed to emulate him (pbuh) as much as we can. And for most of us, we are doing the best we can.
But we just can’t treat you the same way he (pbuh) treated his wives. Similarly, it’s unfair for men to expect their wives to behave like Aisha (RA) and his other wives (RA) did.
Just because your husband doesn’t treat you in the way (you think) the Prophet (pbuh) treated his wives, doesn’t mean your husband doesn’t love you.
It just means he’s human.
It is very important that you understand this.

• If he’s doing his best to take care of you.
• If he doesn’t abuse you or sleep around.
• If he sincerely tries to solve your problems and helps you in the best way he can.

Then chances are he loves you. A lot.
Now move from in front of the television and go make me a sandwich.
JUST KIDDING!

Syahmi nak adik..

Al kisahnya, ahad lepas, pergi rumah sepupu (Yob)..
Dia baru je dapat baby lelaki..nama Adam Harith..

maka, buat pertama kalinya, si Syahmi ni beria iya nak dukung Adam..
"nak, nak"..sambil hulur tangan nak dukung..
Lepas tuh, dia duduk, hulur tangan sambil tepuk paha..'nak ..nak..
Haha..
Dia nak dukung and letak Adam atas paha dia..
Umurnya baru je setahun 3 bulan..tapi da pandai nak dukung adik..

Dia nak berjalan pon masih kena pegang tgn ibu.. Syahmi... Syahmi..
Sabar eh sayang>.. Ada rezeki,adalaa adik awak tuh..hahhah

Ayah.. *wink..wink*..haha

 

 

Syahmi Fawwaz : 15 months old .. 1.3 years old

 

This is my dear son... Syahmi Fawwaz at the age of 15 months.  Such a big boy..

He has eczema since 3months old.. and he still has it..

It's been a looooooonggg way in treating and managing eczema..

But, what do you know.. he's getting better.. =)

 

 

A day with ayah... Taking selfies, and playing with oreo trucks, drums and cars..

 

 

Penang Trip : Shangri La Rasa Sayang 3rd - 8th December 2013

 

So, we had this training and outing thingy in Penang just a few weeks ago and we have to bring Syahmi (it's obvious that we (me+husband) could not sleep without him.. So, we manage to secure 2 rooms so I could bring over my parent to take care of him during the day..)

 

Syahmi and ayah over the swimming lesson.. =p

Syahmi and ibu after the "swimming lesson"

Syahmi takes a walk in the evening

Syahmi and this "apek" topi in Feringgi night market.

 

 

 

blogwalking : a year of parenting . #truth -

Original post : incidentalcomics

A Year of Parenting

Repost : 13 Mom Truths by Rachel marie Martin-

Original post from Inspiring mother :Rachel marie martin



1. Your house is not a reflection of your parenting skills. You know what I’m talking about. It’s 2:28 in the afternoon and there’s a knock on your door and your house isn’t perfect. Open the door. Welcome your friend in. Don’t apologize for whatever it looks like in your home. Show them you’re real. And remember your house isn’t a reflection of your parenting skills. It’s just a house – big, small, neat, cluttered, tidy, organized, whatever – that doesn’t matter. What matters is you – mothering, teaching, and loving your kids.

2. Sometimes you just need to read the same book over and over again. Or teach the same truth over and over again. Or deal with the same discipline issue. Or wash the dishes (ha) again. Parenting involves a great deal of repetition. And sometimes the repetition is needed. For instance? The book reading? Kids need to hear the same one again – they recognize the nuances in the story and it’s how the learn. And you? You can add that book to your books known by memory. And discipline stuff? Well it takes work. Don’t give up. Just keep going.
3. Melt downs in the store happen. Just the other day while I was at Target I observed the pinnacle of child meltdowns happen. Screaming, tantrum throwing, and the whole shebang wrapped up in what appeared to be a spitfire of a four year old. And the mom? Gritting her teeth, moving calmly, putting the massive cart away, and buckling the child in. All I could think was you go mom – keep your head high. You all know they happen, guys. When they do, don’t judge. Encourage.

4. You will be tired. Want me to explain this one? Probably not. Grab your coffee or chai tea or energy drink or green drink or whatever you need and rock on mom. You can do this.
5. Some days will be tedious. Other days normal. Other days challenging. Other days amazing. Motherhood is like a rollercoaster rides of days. And often those feelings can happen in the midst of the normal day. You may start out feeling like you’re the queen of motherhood only to have the rug pulled out from underneath you at 8:34 am and you’re ready to call in back up. Just like your house doesn’t define you your days don’t define. It’s the constant movement that matters. And loving your kids.
6. Kids get sick. This. Especially for you new moms out there. Our kids get sick. It just happens and when it does we just deal with it. I’m still telling you though – it’s an art to deal with a vomiting no aim two year old. Or to stay up all night with one with an ear ache. Or to sit in a doctor’s office and fight for diagnosis. Kids get sick. Not the fun part of parenting.
7. Less things equals less stress. The more you have the more you have to manage. The busier you are the more you will feel like you are racing around running on empty. Clearing out the clutter is one of the best things to do – constantly get rid of stuff. And it teaches our kids to not get sucked into the more is better conundrum of life.

8. You’ll make mistakes. Like me. I published this post originally without a number eight (that’s what I get for not checking the order). But you know what? Mistakes happen. They don’t define us. We can learn from them, move on, and work to do better next time. Perfection doesn’t happen. Real does.
9. Laundry will never be done. Yeah. It will be on the list, but as we all know the 18 seconds of not having a piece of dirty clothes in the laundry basket is short lived. Put laundry on the breathing list – the things to do that are just a normal needed part of life. And celebrate those 18 seconds when the laundry is done. That’s good too.
10. Get down on their level. Look them in the eye when they talk to you. Learn to love what they love. It’s easy in this fast pace tweet it instagram it facebook it racing world to lose the art of looking and communicating with those we love directly. Intentionally cultivate moments in your life where the social noise is quiet so that you and your kids can have space within the busy.
11. Sippy cups leak. Toys break. Those things don’t matter. Those things in life aren’t what you’re going to remember at the end of your days. I think I remember a couple of my toys from childhood – my Mr. Owl Math Fact Calculator, a Barbie that had on a glitzy gold outfit, a lego set, and a keyboard. You know what I do remember? Going to the lake and fishing with my parents. Seeing the Ice Palace on a cold Minnesota winter morning. Playing Skipbo with my family. Riding bikes. Racing in the backyard. Simple little things.

12. Don’t worry about savoring every single moment. Give yourself grace, really. Going back to the kids being sick point – there are simply times in life where the little moments aren’t really the best. Don’t stress about that. Instead be grateful for the moments tucked within the normal. So often we don’t realy expect them – they’re the you’re the best mom moments after you cut the pbj into triangles and get them a glass of milk. Moments matter, but not all moments need to be savored. Make it a habit to record the good so that you can remember.
13. There is no supermom. There is only the real mom. And the real mom is brace, tenacious, funny, crazy, excited, tired, giving, crying, hoping, loving, challenging, working, worn out, loving life, loving those kids, and amazing. Real moms are amazing. Normal moms are amazing. You, the mom who loves and gives and cares for her kids, are fabulous simply because you are mom. Remember, just like I’m writing about in my book – being a mom is enough.
Thirteen Mom Truths. What would you add?

Blogwalking : http://findingjoy.net/

“I am writing this in my hallway at the top of the stairs because my two little boys won’t stay in their room and go to bed unless I sit up here at the doorway and utter words like go to bed and stay in bed now – I mean it and no more water and you will lose media time if you get out of your bed again until they both decide to give in, slip under their covers and go to sleep.

That’s the truth.
I’ve tried charts. Bedtime routines. Stickers. Time outs. All of it. And I’ve resorted to working at the top of the stairs for an hour each night and muttering those phrases. I’ve actually gotten quite used to emailing, tweeting, facebooking, and writing with my back against the door to my room and my eyes constantly looking in their room to see if they’re asleep.
(they’re not right now… in case you were wondering.)”

My life isn’t all together. I’ve got my share, well more than my share, of ups and downs, fails and do-overs, highs and lows, and sitting at the top of the stair moments because I can’t seem to think of something better to do.

Hannah Nicole Photography

I make boxed macaroni and cheese for lunch with the little powdered cheese.

Hannah Nicole Photography

We don’t eat organic apples.

Hannah Nicole Photography

I buy my kids fruit roll ups.

Hannah Nicole Photography

“Sometimes my kids play too much media.I skip words, okay paragraphs, in long books at bedtime.
I don’t fold all the little boys clothes because they just dump them out anyway.
My sock basket is rarely ever folded.
I don’t like doing dishes.
My living room right now (which I can see because I am sitting at the top of the stairs) has throw pillows on the floor, papers on the couch, a lamp shade that’s crooked, shoes scattered by the door, and a couple empty boxes waiting for the toys to be dumped back in.
My pinterest board however, has pictures of perfectly organized living rooms.
I love Starbucks and will drive there sometimes with the kids in the back and then I will take the long way home.
I get impatient with my kids.
And I’m normal.
My kids? Well, they’re normal. Or as normal as kids who want every single thing fair are ever going to be.
Motherhood isn’t based on perfection. It’s not based on having gluten free (which we must have in my world) or whole wheat macaroni with organic apples and socks that are matched and never getting impatient and a perfectly picked up living room that looks like a pinterest board.
Motherhood is simply real.
Real with real moms who lose their patience, who want to throw in the towel, who have kids (like my Samuel who is now in the hallway next to me telling me he doesn’t want to go to bed now) who don’t stay in bed. It’s full of moms who have to work who’d rather stay home. Or moms who stay home who’d rather work. Or moms who are simply tired with the every day same routine.
It’s full of real moms who take their kids to the apple orchard and the zoo and the coffee shop and the grocery store and the doctor and to school and all of that normal stuff. It’s full of moms who feel like all they do is the laundry again and again and if they see clean clothes stuffed in the hamper again they threaten to take them away and sell them (or maybe that’s just me). It’s full of moms who are happy, joyful, sad, overwhelmed, and well, let’s face it real.
That’s the being enough mom.
That’s my confession. It’s not that I don’t want to be better. I think at heart we wake up each day and want each day to be better than the next. That’s why I celebrate pulling up the boot straps and trying again and again and giving yourself grace. (Don’t forget grace. Ever.) Motherhood has moments of extreme patience, extreme trying, and really learning to not compare.
Motherhood isn’t based on external markers of perfection.
Motherhood is an act of learning. Every single day. It’s being okay with the fact that maybe you like the convenience of that boxed macaroni and cheese. You know why? It’s because it’s not based on what other moms are doing – it’s based on you – on you knowing your family, knowing what is best for your family, and being brave and confident in what you’re doing.
Motherhood, and in fact life, is often this journey of waking up and discovering self.
That’s the truth.
So I tell you, you right now, you the mother in whatever stage of motherhood you may find yourself that you are doing just fine. You are doing fine if your kids don’t stay in bed, you hate potty training (does anyone like that one?), your kids have melt downs in the store, you get exasperated, you sneak the last bit of ice cream for yourself, and well, you’re just you. Just keep trying, keep doing your best, and keep growing more and more confident in your ability to mother.
You know what your kids need? Of course you do. They don’t need perfect.
They need you.
You, the imperfect wonderfully perfect for your kids, mother.
That’s my mom confession today.
Oh yes, and we’re having hot dogs and peaches and macaroni and cheese for lunch.”

Mendidik Anak menjelang 2020

Sebelum ni aku pernah share pasal blog Adlil Rajiah untuk didik anak kan?
Mari aku kongsi pendapat aku dlm mendidik anak aku.

Aku baru 28 tahun.. Dapat anak masa umur 27tahun.. Anak pertama.. banyak benda yang aku tatau..

Buku parenting pertama yang aku beli - Asian Parenting today.. Buku tu sangat membantu..

Okay..meh aku share benda-benda yang aku rasa sangat penting dalam membesarkan anak..

1. Sentiasa bercakap dengan anak..
Aku dan anan selalu berkomunikasi dengan Syahmi sejak dia lahir.. time tukar pampers, mandi, menyusu, baring, etc.. walaupon dia mungkin tak faham, tapi aku rasa bercakap dan berbual dengan anak sangat membantu..

Percaya atau tidak, Syahmi sebut "ayah" pada usia 3bulan.. yes.. u heard me..3 bulan..
Masa tu, mmg aku ngan anan terkejut.. itu perkataan pertama dia.. "ayah" dan dia hanya sebut ayah bila depan aku/anan..

Bila cerita dengan org, mmg org tak percaya.. tapi, ibu ngan ayah aku pon dengar..hehe.. since then, mulut dia banyak sangat bergugu gaga..

Sekarang ni, di umur setahun 3bulan, pencapaian dlm bertutur, aku rasa agak menakjubkan.. sebab selalu keluar bunyi2 yang agak rare..hehe..selalunya, budak akan sebut tatatatata, mamamama dulu, tapi untuk syahmi, mcm-macam bunyi dia buat..

2.Bermain dengan anak
Selalunya, ibu bapa zaman sekarang ni susah nak mencari masa untuk bermian dengan anak-anak..especially bila terpaksa keluar jam 7pagi, dan balik jam 8 malam.. bila balik je, anak da tidur..

Alhamdullillah, Syahmi tidor jam 11.00 malam..hahaha..Walaupon , tak berapa normal untuk budak sebesar dia..tapi, kitorang ada masa untuk bermain dengan dia.. Waktu tidor dia mmg fix.. 11.00- 8.00..huhu..memang ikot timing tidur ibu&ayah..

Kalau tensen/stress/penat, maen dengan anak, dengar dia gelak2 ketawa mmg best.. terus hilang segala masalah..hehe..thanks Syahmi.

3. Jangan menjerit pada anak
Ini mmg pantang aku..bercakap dengan nada menjerit2..Walaupon marah, jangan menjerit..nanti anak tiru.. Instead, cakap elok2..slow2.. Salunya kalau aku marah Syahmi, aku akan tenung mata dia, n cakap slow2.. Dia akan dengar and respond..Jangan sesekali menjerit / pukul anak.. Budak-budak kecil nih, dia akan ikot ape yang kita buat.. kita kena ingat tu..

Kalau kita nak anak cakap slow-slow, sopan, kita kena tunjuk dulu kat dia..
Ini x, kita terpekik terlolong marah anak, pastu nak expect anak bersopan... This is sooo wrong..
Aku dengan anan mmg bukan spesis cakap kuat-kuat.. apatah lagi nak menjerit..

So, bila keluar jumpa org ramai, n ada budak2 yang menjerit, mmg Syahmi terus ikot.. haih..
itu bahagian yang aku xbole nak control.. Sebab Syahmi sangat cepat imitate ape org buat..Aku harap ramai mak bapak akan lebih sedar yang menjerit pada anak takkan buat anak hormat kita.. Ia akan buat anak pon buat perangai yang sama..

4. jangan takut-takutkan anak
Zaman-zaman dulu, kita nih selalu disogokkan dengan cerita-cerita hantu untuk buat budak takut.. Salah sebenarnya benda nih.. kalau kita taknak anak buat sesuatu, terang elok-elok kenapa benda tu tak baik,, bukan dengan takut-takutkan dia.. Stakat ni, aku tak pernah menanam sikap takut pada Syahmi.. Semua benda dia nak pegang.. even ulat pon dia pegang.. kucing, anjing, cicak, katak, arnab,semua dia excited nak pegang..huhu..

5. Jangan sekat anak meng'explore'..
Ini satu benda yang aku agak failed.. Anan je yang dapat buat.. Aku ada penyakit OCD.. Aku pantang tgk benda bersepah/tak tersusun.. Selalunya, Syahmi tak suka aku dukung dia time gi jalan2.. sebab dia tak dapat pegang semua benda.. Kalau berdukung dengan anan, semua benda dia dapat pegang.. So, diorang akan maen semua benda, aku akan kemas.. aku lg prefer cara macam tuh..huhu..

Tapi sekarang ni, Syahmi da dapat da penyakit OCD tuh jugak..hahaha.. Dia xsuka tengok benda atas lantai, atas meja..semua nak kemas.. macam mainan dia, aku simpan dlm kotak/bekas tupperware..so, dia just keluarkan mainan-mainan tu, dan kemas balik..haha..Ada budak-budak datang rumah, main mainan dia pon, dia akan masukkan mainan dlm bekas..yang bagosnya, rumah takkan bersepah dengan mainan dia..

6. Limitkan kawasan permainan
Bagi satu ruang untuk anak-anak bermain.. Macam aku, Syahmi boleh main dlm playpen / atas tilam dia je.. tempat laen, aku tak bagi.. so, dia takkan buat sepan di tempat laen.. main dekat tempat tu je..tp dia ada bilik sendiri.. dalam bilik tu, aku bagi je dia maen..sebab bilik dia..tp, dia just maen dlm playhouse.. baling-baling bola, pastu kutip..huhu..

7.Diet seimbang
Ajar anak makan sayur dan buah.. ajar dari kecik.. tp nak mengajar tu, kita sebagai ibu bapa pon kenalaa makan sekali.. jangan expect anak akan makan sayur kalau kta tak makan..
Selalunya, aku akan bekalkan buah untuk syahmi..epal/kiwi/oren/tembikai susu.. depends buah ape yang aku dapat beli..so far, Syahmi takde masalah makan sayur n buah.. Dia bermasalah nak makan protein  mcm ayam/daging/ikan..sebab allergik..huhu..

Kalau bagi ayam pon, sure dia tanak..mungkin dia ingat yang ayam akan buat dia gatal2..huhu.. Aku pernah bg ayam kampung, abes merah2 satu badan..kesian dia.. So, untuk introduce protein, terpaksa aku delaykan dulu..

Dannn...jangan bagi anak makan makanan bergula/bergaram yang terlebih had.. Aku takkan bagi benda manis-manis untuk Syahmi.. N alhamdulllillah, dia pon tak suka.. minuman macam milo tu sebenarnya tak sesuai bg pada anak..especially pada waktu malam.. percayalah, sugar rush itu mmg wujud.. Selalunya, aku tgk budak yang minum milo ni, mmg hyperaktif & susah nak tidur..

tak boleh salahkan dia, sebab milo tu mmg tinggi kandungan gula.. terlebih tenaga.. sama kkonsep dengan tak bg anak makan berat sebelum tidur..

itu je laa yang aku bole pikir..kalau ada lg, nanti aku tambah..

Adlil Rajiah : 10 tips berguna dari child psychiatrist

Aku ada follow satu blog nih..memang best..sekali baca, sure rasa nak baca sampai abes..hehehe..

semalam, Jiji ada post satu entry pasal cara mendidik anak..ehehehe..nasihat dari child psychiatrist..

Nak baca entry laen, kena gi blog dia :- http://saatakukaupilih.blogspot.sg/

Thanks to Adlil Rajiah..

..................................................................................................................................................

Sebenarnya aku berfikir panjangggggggg nak update pasal benda ni.

Dah lama sebenarnya rasa nak share.
Sejak 4 bulan lepas lagi.

Tapi bila nak share je mesti rasa macam malu la, takut ada orang terasa la, takut orang misinterpret la, takut orang ingat macam bagus la.
Macam-macam.

Tapi lama-lama aku fikir, semuanya bergantung kepada niat.

Kalau niat nak sebarkan manfaat, ok je kan?

Apa orang nak fikir, lantakkan lah.

Yang penting, DAPAT SEBARKAN MANFAAT.

Tu je.

Amboi mukaddimah dia.

Macam.

Bagus.

Je.

Puih.

:D

Sebenarnya kan,
Beberapa bulan sebelum Haikal genap 2 tahun hari tu, kitorang ada jumpa Child Psychiatrist.

Nama dia Dr. Sherine. Kalau kat Penang ni, Dr. Sherine ni memang well-known la. Korang boleh jumpa dia kat Hospital Gleneagles, Penang.
Kepada yang tak tahu, Child Psychiatrist ni ialah pakar brain development dan behavior kanak-kanak. Macam kalau dia tengok perangai sekian-sekian, dia dah boleh tahu apa masalah budak tu.
Gitu.

Aku rasa macam tak perlu kot nak explain kat sini kenapa kitorang bawak Haikal jumpa Child Psychiatrist tu. Macam complicated pulak nak cerita sebab musabab nya.

So kita skip cerita tu.
Boleh naa?

Yang aku nak share kat sini ialah..

masa kitorang jumpa Dr. Sherine tu ada banyak sangat input yang berguna dia bagi.

Terutama anak-anak yang umur 0-3 years old.

Seriously berguna like hell.

In fact aku dah praktikkan beberapa tips yang doktor tu bagi.
Dan Alhamdulillah memang berkesan. =)

Ok aku buat dalam point form la eh.
Senang korang nak hadam.

1. Biasakan dan kerapkan bawak anak main pasir, buih, rumput, dan plastesin.

Kalau boleh biar dia sentuh guna tangan dan kaki. Biar dia exposed dan touched dengan texture pasir, rumput, buih, etc. Benda-benda tu sangat merangsang motor skills dan sensory skills anak-anak.
Aku nak explain lebih-lebih pon, aku bukan doktor. T_T
So mohon akur je lah dengan fakta yang diberikan ini.

2. Don't expose to too much things in a box.

"Things in a box" tu macam, tivi, ipad, tablet, phone, games etc. Yang ni paling ngeri.
Aku tengok sendiri dengan mata kepala aku, masa pergi special school Dr Sherine tu, ada sorang budak Australian ni. Umur baru 4 tahun. Jari tangan dia, kaki dia, lutut dia, semacam tak normal. Tak tahu nak describe macam mana.
Tapi korang nak tahu apa sebab dia jadi camtu?

Sebab too much exposed to computer light and touch screen!!
Scary nak mampos hoiii.
Tak sangka sampai boleh jadi gitu kan.

Mak dia exposed budak tu main ipad sejak lahir tau. T_T

Aku borak ngan mak budak tu, sampai nangis-nangis makcik tu cerita kat aku.

Dia cakap saraf-saraf anak dia dah rosak.

Sebab takde rangsangan dan kurang latihan pergerakan masa kecik.

Patutnya masa kecik kan, baby aktif gila nak meniarap la, nak merangkak la, nak lompat-lompat la. Kan?

Tapi sebab parents dia terlalu busy, dan diorang takde pembantu rumah, so dia bagi je baby tu leka dengan ipad 24/7! Hamik kau.

Aku dengar pon macam nak baling lesung batu je kat mak dia. ;D

So bila anak dia dah umur 4 tahun ni, baru nak pergi kelas pemulihan.
Belajar lompat, belajar meniarap, belajar merangkak. Kesian kan?

Sampaikan diorang tak bagi keluarkan apa-apa gadget depan budak tu.

Ada sekali tu, phone aku ada SMS masuk, so aku nak keluarkan la dari beg nak check SMS kan. Tetiba Dr. Sherine cakap kuat-kuat,

"No handphone in front of Alex! No handphone in front of Alex please!"

Gitu.
Takut aku. :D

Aku ada mintak komen Dr. Sherine tentang gadget-gadget ni.

Sebab aku pon selalu je tengok Boboiboy dengan Haikal kat ipad. Hehehehe.

So ini jawapan Dr.Sherine,

"Takde masalah kalau nak tengok benda in a box ni (ipad, tivi, phone). But make sure not more than 10 minutes at a time."

"Never leave the child and ipad alone. Watch with him. Tengok Boboiboy sama-sama dengan dia, interact dengan dia. For example, kita cakap, Oh Boboiboy is wearing a red cap. Oh there, Boboiboy plays badminton with his friends! Sentiasa interact dengan dia while watching."

"It's a good sign when he wants to watch ipad, he asks you to join him. But bad sign when he doesn't want anyone to disturb or join him while he's watching. Itu petanda buruk. So always always always be with him and interact with him while watching."

Ini bahasa mudah untuk faham kenapa ipad, tivi, phone, games tak elok untuk perkembangan kanak-kanak, menurut Dr Sherine:

Bila kita tengok ipad, mata kita tertumpu kepada satu level sahaja.
Tiada pergerakan "rolling" oleh mata.
So bila too much ipad, that means no eyes nerves stimulation.
So lama-lama pandangan anak tu tak luas.
So brain dia pon tak boleh fikir dengan luas/kreatif.

So parents digalakkan supaya banyak stimulate mata baby. How?
Bawak keluar rumah. Look around. Atas, tunjuk sky, tunjuk airplanes.
Bawah, tunjuk grass, tunjuk cat, tunjuk flowers.
Kalau tak boleh keluar rumah, still boleh buat dalam rumah.
Contohnya, boleh guna mainan flash cards ABC tu.
Flash huruf A kat atas, supaya anak dongak ke atas.
Pastu flash huruf B kat bawah pulak.
Pastu flash huruf C sebelah kiri, huruf D sebelah kanan.
Dan sebagainya.
Dengan cara macam tu, automatik ada "rolling" eyes movement.
So bila ada pergerakan mata atas bawah atas bawah camtu,
saraf mata dirangsang dengan baik.

So brain development pon berlaku dengan baik.

Gitu.

Aku rasa cukup mudah penjelasan yang Dr. Sherine bagi tu.
Terutama untuk orang vangang macam aku ni nak faham.
Maafkan saya, saya bukan Doktor. Dulu SPM Biologi B3 je. T_T

3) Stimulate their imitation skills.

Imitation skills ni ialah kebolehan mengikut atau meniru apa saje perkara yang dilihat disekeliling. Contoh kalau anak nampak kita clap hands, dia pon ikut clap hands. Camtu.

Dr. Sherine kata, ini masalah terbesar budak-budak sekarang.

Lack of imitation skills.

So vocab kurang, otak lambat pick-up, etc.

Because language and speech is also an imitation skill,
attitude pon imitation skill,
cara berfikir pon imitation skill,

dan semua-semua tu pon related to brain development.

So parents digalakkan buat kaedah-kaedah macam ni:

Say a word, dan suruh anak ulang.

Lukis satu simple drawing, dan suruh anak tiru.

Buat mimik muka macam nangis, senyum, gelak, marah dan suruh anak tiru.

Buat satu kerja mudah macam susun bantal atas katil, susun buku kat rak, dan suruh anak ikut.

Nyanyi satu lagu, dan suruh anak ikut nyanyi.

Dance mengikut muzik, dan suruh anak tiru step yang kita buat.

Buat satu pergerakan macam merangkak, lompat, mencangkung, bergolek, dan suruh anak buat sama.

Gitu.

Oh lagi satu, Dr. Sherine cakap, pergerakan merangkak ialah sangat-sangat bagus.

Sebab dia melibatkan seluruh anggota badan, dari kepala ke hujung kaki.

Dan menurut kajian, baby yang mengalami fasa merangkak yang lama, dikatakan lebih genius dan berfikiran kreatif berbanding baby yang merangkak sekejap atau tak merangkak langsung (terus boleh berjalan).

Part ni aku terkedu.
Sebab Haikal memang tak merangkak langsung.
Dia tu kan dulu lepas meniarap, terus duduk.
Lepas duduk terus berdiri dan berjalan.
T___T

Tapi takpe. Dr. Sherine kata masih belum terlambat.

So sekarang hari-hari aku suruh Haikal jadi tiger.

Sebab nak suruh dia merangkak. Kahkah.

Bila anak jadi tiger, mak pon kena jadi tiger jugak ok.
Imitation skill. Ingat tu.
Tapi sorry gambar aku jadi tiger takde.
Garang sangat. Kang korang takut. ;D

4) Banyakkan concept toys berbanding mainan superheroes, monsters, etc.

Concept toys tu macam, ABC 123 blocks, Lego, animals (yang realistic dan senang nak recognize), shapes blocks, vehicles, colour blocks, etc.

Sebab benda-benda ni boleh tambahkan vocab anak.
Plus boleh belajar sambil bermain.
Dr. Sherine kata, avoid belikan mainan-mainan yang tak realistik.
Macam barbie doll, superheroes dalam tivi, monsters, etc.
Sebab masa bermain, dia tak boleh kaitkan dengan dunia realiti dia.
Takut dia terlebih taksub dengan dunia yang fantasi tu pulak.
Macam tak elok sangat la kan.

Padahal aku pon banyak je belikan Haikal mainan otromen. T_T
Siap nak tidur pon, Haikal akan selimutkan otromen.
Mama dia dapat selimut sipi-sipi, sikit pon Haikal tak peduli. -..-

5) Bila nak ajar anak bercakap, ajar word dulu, avoid sentence.

Contoh macam kalau kita pergi zoo, kita nak tunjuk elephant kat anak,

better cakap,

"Elephant!"

bukan

"That is elephant!"

atau

"Wow u see that big elephant?"

Camtu.

Unless kalau anak dah hafal animals tu semua, so boleh ajar sentence dengan adjective pulak.

Contoh,

"Tall giraffe. Big elephant. Beautiful butterfly. Yellow bird."

Avoid guna perkataan "The This That And With etc".
Direct je cakap "Big tiger. Beautiful bird."
Camtu.

Ajar word by word.
Nak ajar budak bercakap kena slowly dan repetitively.

Bila nak bagi arahan pun sama.

Sebut perbuatan itu sahaja. Without a complete sentence.

Contoh,

"Eat."

bukan

"Come and eat."
atau
"U must eat."

"Sit."

bukan

"Come and sit beside Mama"
atau,
"Sit and keep quiet."

Lama-lama budak tu akan cepat recognize, which one is noun, adjective, verb, etc.
Lepas dia dah banyak vocab, baru boleh start ajar buat sentence.

6) Kalau budak takut strangers. Ask them to high-5. Avoid salam, hug or kiss.

Biasanya budak yang takut strangers ni sebab dah banyak kali trauma atau ada bad experience each time jumpa strangers.

Contoh budak yang selalu sakit.
Banyak kali jumpa doctor/nurse yang asyik cucuk atau bagi ubat etc.

So bila jumpa strangers mana-mana pon, dia expect orang tu akan buat pape kat dia.

So macam fobia camtu la kan.

Untuk overcome benda ni, Dr. Sherine tu suggest,

bila jumpa je sesiapa yang anak tu takut,

Suruh orang tu high five dengan anak kita tu.

Biasanya kalau kita jumpa kawan ke saudara mara ke, mesti diorang nak pelok cium salam anak kita kan?
So kalau anak yang jenis takut strangers ni, jangan bagi orang salam pelok terus,
suruh high-5 dulu.
Kalau orang tanya kenapa, jawab ikut style nigga. Yaw yaw yaw. ;D

Menurut Dr. Sherine, high-5 is very powerful.
Dia boleh ubah mentaliti anak within seconds.

Bila kita high-5, akan berlaku sentuhan dalam beberapa saat,

dan budak tu akan realize yang orang tu tak merbahaya.

So lepas tu, dia akan ok la dengan orang tu.

Gitu.

7) Bila anak buat salah. Explain instead of marah.

Macam kalau anak main marker pen, conteng satu rumah.
Hoih mahu kau tak hangin kan??
So Dr. Sherine tu kata, instead of marah-marah membebel tak tentu pasal,

better explain clearly kat anak tu kenapa benda yang dia buat tu salah.

Ingat, anak tu tengah exploring his world, bukan sesaje nak cari pasal dengan kita.

Lagi satu, setiap kali explain atau bercakap dengan anak,

make sure mata kita dengan dia satu level.

Melutut depan anak.
Jangan cakap atau marah sambil berdiri,

anak jadi bertambah takut.
Nanti dia tak absorb pon apa yang kita nak sampaikan.

Kalau anak kau baring, kau pon kena baring.
Punya gigih nak mata satu level tadi kan. -..-

8) Overly-attached to one person is not a good sign.

Contoh macam anak tu rapat dengan mak je, dengan ayah tak berapa rapat.

So itu petanda tak bagus.

Something wrong with his self-esteem.

So kena biasakan dia rapat dengan semua orang.
Especially family members.

9) Bila bermain, follow his interest.

Kalau anak nak main ball, jangan tetiba korang nak ajak dia main basikal.

Kalau anak nak melukis, jangan korang nak ajak dia main ball.
Gitu.

Ikut kehendak anak pada ketika itu.

Sebab brain development akan berlaku pada tahap maksima bila budak tu betul-betul interested dan happy buat sesuatu perkara.
Lain la kalau anak mintak nak main benda bukan-bukan.
Haruslah dimarahin dong.

10) Bagi pilihan jawapan untuk enhance communication skill anak.

Contoh bila kita bertanya sesuatu kat anak kita,

kalau anak diam je sebab tak tahu nak camane,

jangan biarkan soalan tu tak berjawab.

Kita yang kena bagi pilihan jawapan kepada anak.

Contoh macam kalau kita tanya,

"Kenapa Haikal menangis?"

Tapi Haikal diam je,
mungkin sebab tak tahu nak jawab macam mana.
So kita bagi la beberapa pilihan jawapan, macam

"Haikal jatuh?"

"Haikal sakit perut?"

"Haikal nak ikut papa pergi kerja?"
"Haikal bosan?"

Itu contoh.

Even if dia respon dengan sekadar angguk je pon dah memadai.

At least soalan dah terjawab.

Dan lama-lama kang dia tahu la nak jawab macam mana if soalan yang sama diajukan di masa akan datang.

Ok tu je 10 tips yang dapat dikongsi.

Lagi sekali, tips-tips ni ialah dari Dr. Sherine, Child Psychaitrist dari Hospital Gleneagles.

Bukan keluar dari mulut aku ye.Bukan aku reka ke apa.

Cuma aku tulis ni ikut bahasa aku la kan. Supaya korang pon senang nak faham.

Niat aku satu je.

Nak share supaya korang pon sama-sama dapat manfaat.

Sebab seriously semua tips ni aku dah try dan setakat ni Alhamdulillah,

aku nampak kesan positif pada Haikal.
Kesan dia sangat drastik ok.
Sebab budak 0-3 y.o. ni development diorang memang lajuuuuuu.
So korang kena cepat praktikkan tips-tips di atas. =)

Tapi of course semuanya berlaku dengan izin Allah.
Tapi tak salah kita ikhtiar yang terbaik dan termampu.

Part usaha, doa, tawakkal tu kan tugas kita.

InsyaAllah, outcome dia nanti menggembirakan kita.
Sebab Allah tak pernah kecewakan hamba dia yang berusaha bhai..



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